Steven Seagal continues his out-of-shape crime fighting techniques, by way of a straight-to-dvd release, entitled Pistol Whipped. Seagal plays Matt, an ex-cop whose life spiraled towards darkness ever since he was kicked off the force, who now spends his time gambling and drinking. After he loses a hand in poker worth thousands and thousands, he is recruited by a mysterious an old man (Lance Henriksen in his most phoned-in performance ever) to kill off some scum involved in various corrupt crime schemes and such.

It’s about here when I started to get lost. Not ‘lost’, like when you’re watching a David Lynch film. No, ‘lost’ like what happens when your attention gets lost in choppy editing, close-ups of fat heads (mostly Seagal’s), and slow-motion gunfighting. At some point, and it has to be closer than near, his fans have to get tired of it… right?

Steven Seagal has strayed so far from his past, it’s clear he’ll never get it back. He is like Michael Caine, circa the Jaws: The Revenge era, but without the Cider House Rules-like escape. The late 80s/early 90s were kind to him. Seagal even had some luck working with somewhat real directors (like Andrew Davis and Dwight Little). Now though, no one serious will even give him the time of day.

Scribe J. D. Zeik (Ronin) shoots out a mindless screenplay to be directed with a sort of music video quality by straight-to-DVD assassin Roel Reiné. They both can be faulted for their lack of knowledge in the visual aesthetics. They did, however, succeed to replicate the style viewers of Spike TV are used to.

The DVD doesn’t have much by way of extras and we’re all the better for it. Actually, there are some deleted scenes but this reviewer couldn’t muster up the strength to view them. This whole picture actually feels like a deleted scene from some other Seagal film. If only it was. If only…