The job of any film reviewer gets more and more difficult with the more films they subject themselves to. Are there enough adjectives out there to last for a lifetime of criticism? Films like this prove the thesaurus’s magnificent cornucopia of wordage eventually runs out fruit. Scribe Peter Morgan tackles the brutal task of adapting Philippa Morgan’s dry novel and succeeds in making it just as uninteresting. The Other Boleyn Girl is almost too indescribable for words. It’s one of the most visually boring films I’ve seen in some time. Even writing this introductory paragraph took me half the evening.
The Other Boleyn Girl follows the lives of the Boleyn family, who decide to subject their beautiful young daughters to a dangerous game of affection grabbing from King Henry VIII (Eric Bana). The girls, the older Anne (Natalie Portman) and younger Mary (Scarlett Johansson), each get put to the task at different times. Anne is pointed to the task first and finds it a bit odd that her parents wish to whore her off so easily. They stress the importance of what the label of King’s Mistress brings for their family. So the girls embark with barely a complaint.
Anne’s over aggression for affection takes the King down the wrong path during a horse ride. He falls off his steed and with injury brings lack of interest. Mary is then thrown to the task, despite her recent marriage to another man. The King offers her husband a job in his kingdom, which would bring Mary closer to him, thus an adulterous relationship is born.
This sort of thing goes on and on for the duration of this film. Back and forth between the two girls. King Henry’s wife gets pissed but she is rarely shown. The film presents her for a minute, so the audience knows she exists, but then never gets any more screen time than the average extra. She knows her husband is cheating but she is never given the time to contemplate the conflict.
The Boleyn girls seem all too eager to accomplish their parent’s mission too. Imagine being set up for this kind of thing. Of course this story happened ages ago but the girls barely give it a second thought - even Mary, the freshly married one. These girls actually existed in real life and these events are said to be historically accurate. Who am I to criticize their flaws?
For a story with such a large amount of conflict, The Other Boleyn Girl skips over the dramatic elements we should expect. The acting never strays from conventional television acting - there is no depth with any performance, no matter the situation - though the rest of the production never requires it so. No matter what is in shot, whether it be a large exterior shot or a vast view of the large castle innards, the camera work feels as two-dimensional as possible. There is no depth involved here. Actually, there isn’t much of anything here.
