2007 was a pretty good year for cinema. It was also a year full of complete and utter garbage. For every No Country for Old Men, there was a dozen Wild Hogs. Choosing only 10 of these bastards proved to be a difficult challenge, like when Frodo set out to deliver the ring to Mordor. After hours of discussions and going over various notes written throughout the year, the B5 jury was ready with their verdicts.

1. Daddy Day Camp (Fred Savage) - Leave it to Cuba Gooding Jr. to try and clean up Eddie Murphy’s mess. They don’t make aspirin big enough to cure this headache.
2. Spider-Man 3 (Sam Raimi) - The most overrated superhero franchise ended with a stink. People who like this movie, and its dance numbers, should be forced to watch Stallone’s Staying Alive (1983) every day for the rest of their lives.
3. Rush Hour 3 (Brett Ratner) - For love of all things sacred, Chris Tucker, will you please just shut the fuck up?
4. Delta Farce (C.B. Harding) - Larry the Cable Guy continues to rape the eye sockets of America, this time in the form of an Iraq satire.
5. The Golden Compass (Chris Weitz) - Christians shouldn’t have worried themselves with whatever Atheist message they thought was coming across to the children. They should have protested its suckness.
6. Perfect Stranger (James Foley) - Halle Berry and Bruce Willis star in a sexual thriller without both the sex and the thrills.
7. Wild Hogs (Walt Becker) - What happens when you combine the “talents” of John Travolta, Tim Allen and Martin Lawrence? I haven’t figured it out yet but my therapist has been working with me on that since I stumbled upon this film. I’ll get back to you.
8. Norbit (Brian Robbins) - This movie is only good to the small portion of the population who still thinks Eddie Murphy in a fat suit is funny. You know what would have made this film better? John Travolta, Tim Allen, and Martin Lawrence.
9. Hitman (Xavier Gans) - Another shitty attempt to adapt a hollow videogame story into a feature length film. It’s one step better than Street Fighter, if that’s saying much.
10. Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem (The Brothers Strause) - Alien mayhem mixed with teenage melodrama makes for one wretched cinematic turd. Makes Alien:Resurrection look like Aliens by comparison.

So there you have it. Be sure to stay far away from these flicks if you can help it. If not, don’t say we didn’t warn you.